I am tired. And I’m not talking about the normal busy working mom tired. This is another layer of fatigue brought on by the global pandemic. Let’s be honest, being a mom is tough enough on its own. Actually, let’s go ahead and back that statement way up. Being a human being on this planet is tough enough without existential threat of a previously unknown virus. I can only speak from my own experience, however, and give you whatever helpful information I can.
My Normal State of Exhaustion
Since I started recovering from my eating disorder, I have kept my self very busy. I have gone to school and worked multiple jobs to achieve my goal of earning my Associate degree. When I became a mother, I worked and learned to juggle motherhood and professional life. Because I thought that was too easy or some other insanity, I decided to juggle motherhood, work, and completing my bachelor’s degree. I settled into working fulltime and being a mom when the pandemic hit. I burned out in my full-time job and took time off work for six months for various reasons. Now, I am back to work part-time, writing this blog and running an Esty shop. KatieRoseRosaries | Etsy
My battle with anxiety and depression has made me know what it means to be tired too. This is both through the symptoms of the illnesses but also through the sedative side effects of the medication I take to treat them. If you have ever felt the absolute exhaustion and fatalism of depression or the overwhelming quality of dealing with non-stop anxious thoughts or the foggy but better feeling of being medicated, you know what I mean.
My point is that I do know tired. I know busy. This pandemic has added another layer.
Decision Fatigue
I have a hard enough time making decisions as it is. Especially the smaller day to day choices for some reason. Now I have to question what feels like every move my family and I make in terms of the risk of contracting COVID-19. If this makes me sound a little paranoid, it’s because I am. I am sure this is partially my anxiety, but it is partially based on just the plain facts of the matter.
According to COVID Live – Coronavirus Statistics – Worldometer (worldometers.info) the current worldwide total of coronavirus cases is 318,491,773 and the current worldwide total of coronavirus deaths is 5,534,549. These are significant numbers. I live in Rhode Island and locally we are seeing a huge surge in cases and hospitalizations.
My son needs to see his friends, but I am cautious about when, where, with who, for how long. I definitely feel more comfortable with him playing with other kids outside than inside, but the chill of winter has set in making that increasingly difficult. I am cautious of my own actions too. For example, I have only eaten inside at a restaurant once since in the almost two years since this pandemic has started.
A General Sense of Heaviness and Foreboding
You could probably also call it situational depression. Slogging through day to day knowing people are getting sick left right and center, hospitals are overwhelmed, and people are dying is really challenging. Some days I am feeling more confident knowing I am doing the best I can and other days it feels like the world is ending so why bother.
Especially as more people I know personally fall sick it is hard to avoid the situation. I have to look at it like I would look at any large societal problem. I can only do what I can do.
There are some questions I can ask myself. What am I doing to make my corner of the world a better place? Am I doing what I can to protect myself and those around me by wearing my mask and keeping a safe distance? Am I doing what I can to brighten other people’s day through kind words and actions? This next one is the hardest. Am I trying to be kind and patient with my family and not be cranky with them despite my fatigue and anxiety?
What Can I do About It?
If by “it” I mean the pandemic as a whole, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it by myself. The solution is beyond anyone person. Accepting that fact is strangely comforting in and of itself. Remember at the beginning of this ordeal how there was a feeling of unity and “we-are-all-in-this-together-ness”? We are still united in this trial, but we are too tired (or in some cases too ignorant) to see it anymore. Remembering that it is not just me dealing with this is strangely comforting too.
If by “it” I mean my own burnout and fatigue than there are a few things I can do. I can make sure that I am taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
A Three-Part Approach, Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Self-care
Physically I am taking care of myself by being vaccinated and boosted. My husband and son are also vaccinated. We wear our masks when we are in public, especially indoors. I am also really trying to make sure I get enough sleep and physical exercise. For me that exercise has come mostly in the form of walking my dog recently. I got a Fitbit for Christmas and that is helping me to stay active too. My diet is a work in progress as I try to weed out some foods and ingredients that are doing me more harm than good. Sugar is on the top of my list right now to limit.
Emotionally I am trying to carve out some time for myself to relax and breathe. As a busy mom this feels impossible sometimes, but I have to keep trying. Reading in bed before I go to sleep is my most consistent “me time” right now.
Spiritually I am trying to remember to put my trust in God. God sees and knows things I do not and is pure love and therefore wants to best for me. I have stopped going to Mass in person again due to the local surge in cases and this is really hard for me. I hope to get back soon. In the meantime, I’m trying to watch a streamed or recorded Mass. I am trying to be consistent with attending my 12 step meetings and make sure I pray every single day. I also like to read spiritual books.
Sometimes even with all my efforts I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water but then I remember the old adage, “This too shall pass”. And it shall.
Additional Resources:
To read more about my eating disorder recovery check out: Eating Disorders Are Not One Size Fits All – J & K Dream On (jandkdreamon.com)
Doreen Dodgen-Magee, Psy.D. is on the same wavelength as me. This is her is take on the issue:
Covid Related Decision Fatigue, Hypervigilance, and Burnout | Psychology Today
Here is a timeline of the major developments in the pandemic:
CDC Museum COVID-19 Timeline | David J. Sencer CDC Museum | CDC
A resource to fight disinformation which is sadly rampant: