Who loves a good adventure? There are few that don’t revel in a thrill. Emotions and adrenaline run faster. It’s amazing! When you’re younger, everything is an adventure. Learning to walk, climb, and ride a bike; even learning to string words into meaningful sentences can be an exciting experience. When you’re older, the adventure tapers off. For most, anyway.
I’ve always loved adventure and I enjoy play. Reading took me places I could never imagine. Movies and the loud, action-packed shows that were on television when I was young set my brain into overdrive. Once that switch was flipped, it was impossible to shut it off. And when I say impossible, I mean that there is absolutely no off switch. My brain hasn’t stopped its churning out insane thoughts since I was a very young boy. They continue, even as I write this.
There Is Something Wrong with You
“There is a time for play and a time to buckle down and do your work”. This litany was the “white noise” of my childhood and teenage years. I heard it at home and at school. And believe me, I understood it. I just couldn’t comply with it. That wasn’t because I didn’t want to. School was important and I got that. I didn’t want to be held back a grade for not finishing my requirements. Nor did I want to disappoint my parents and teachers.
Imagine that you are tasked with finishing a simple puzzle; a puzzle with only ten or twenty pieces. That sounds easy enough. All the kids around you are doing it. You look at the puzzle, eager to get to work. You can’t wait to see what the picture forms. Maybe it’s whale or better yet, a space battle. Maybe it’s whales in space fighting aliens. Or…
When you hear the first peer yell, “Done!”, you freeze. You wonder how they finished already. You make your move and realize you have no hands. That’s how it feels, at least. More kids are calling out that they’re done. You look to see what their puzzles look like. Your heart thumps harder. You beg your hands to work. The teacher seems to be staring at you. Soon enough, it’s true. Everybody is staring at you because you’re the only one that hasn’t completed the puzzle. You hear those dreaded words, announced to the whole class, “While he works on that, let’s move on to our next assignment.”
When parent / teacher conferences roll around, you hope it turns out okay. It doesn’t. Your parents come home and angrily ask, “What keeps happening with you?” You’re wondering the same thing.
Everybody Hates You
The truth wasn’t something I discovered until I was deep into adulthood. It is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Essentially, this is a chronic disorder that creates attention difficulty, impulsivity, and hyperactive behavior. Put simply, you aren’t a perfectly wired machine. Your brain is rigged like a Christmas tree with too many strings of lights. There are few A-to-B thoughts. Directions cannot be followed. Over-thinking is the only way you know how. That leads to forgetting what the original goal was. Once in a while, on those rare moments of pride, you come at whatever you were supposed to do with far better results than what was expected.
When I was a boy, ADHD was not a thing. You were branded as lazy, stubborn, useless, hopeless, incapable of following directions, or “a bad kid”. I’ve been scolded for having an over-active imagination. I was bullied and beat up for being weird or different. Hyper-activity wasn’t really a factor, with the exception of my mouth. Cursed with “verbal diarrhea”, I was told by many teachers to, “Shut up!” Do I have scars? Yes, I do.
My parents tried, but it was maddening to them that I couldn’t do everything that was asked of me. I had no focus. It felt like the more important a task I was given, the more cement encased my feet. Mental ropes bound my wrists. When there were too many orders given, my brain burst like dandelion seeds.
Frustrating everyone around me and burned out by getting through the basic parts of the day, I had very little left to give. I limped through school. My grades were rubbish. That wasn’t for lack of trying and I wasn’t stupid. In fact, it took twice as much effort to complete anything, because I was trying to get my thoughts under control enough to focus on my work. Learning was an adventure I thrived on. Unfortunately, my road to knowledge was plagued with roundabouts and one-way streets. I got there late and not the way I was told, but I got there.
The Ugly, the Bad, and the Good
When I was young, I suffered in a world that thought I was lazy, wrong, ridiculous, weird, deaf, stupid, and crazy. People claimed there was something wrong with me and I wasn’t living up to my potential. So, I hid. If I tried to fit in, I usually didn’t because I was wired differently. There were no cliques I immediately gelled with and social skills were stressful. Where I wasn’t completely friendless, when it came to peers, adults, and potential girlfriends, there was nobody I totally related to.
I learned to enjoy my solitude, whether by reading, drawing, or watching T.V. I kept to myself and stuck to work I knew I could do without screwing up or disappointing. That went for my major in college and my career in aquariums, museums, and nature centers. It got better as I turned my motor-mouth into a twisted sense of humor. Usually, that awarded me new friends and if nothing else, my social life improved.
Even today, the older generations feel that ADHD is BS. I’m still looked down upon. My responses, or lack thereof, are still frustrating to me and others. Learning that I’m not alone in my struggle, has been very positive for me. Finding a wife that usually gets it, is phenomenal. (See her post) The Journey Begins – J & K Dream On (jandkdreamon.com) I’ve got a wonderful therapist. Slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to realize that it’s never been about not trying or “being mental”. The truth is there’s nothing actually wrong with me aside from being unique. If people have their opinions of what my potential is, that’s society being judgmental. Frankly, society has its own egregious problems to worry about. Slapping a stigma on people with ADHD is a sign of those with drone-like minds and zero imagination.
Life is an adventure. You can go about it the humdrum way most people accept, or you can be different. My brain chose different. Stop fighting your ADHD and use it the way it wants to be used. Today, I channel my mental chaos positively into writing, teaching, humor, and drawing. I can focus on the things that are important, such as family and friends. Never think that being a little different is a bad thing. Instead, embrace why it makes you a better person than you or others ever thought.
For more information on ADHD, try these websites.
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic
ADDitude – ADD & ADHD Symptom Tests, Signs, Treatment, Support (additudemag.com)