Self-care has become a buzz word. I just did a google search for “self-care” and it yielded 3,410,000,000 results. On Instagram #selfcare has 59.2 million posts.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health “Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy.”
Self-Care Is Not One Size Fits All
That’s all well and good, but at the end of the day what does it mean for you or me personally? Since we are all individuals with various life situations and different mental and physical health needs, there is no one size fits all solution.
I could advise you to start with walking 30 minutes a day. We all know the benefits of walking for physical and mental health. But, what if you are an avid exerciser already and 30 minutes is a drop in the bucket for you? Or what if you live a sedentary lifestyle and building up your activity gradually would be more sustainable? Some people may have the budget and time for frequent professional massages, and someone may only be able to squeeze in a mindful cup of coffee or tea before the kids get up.
All of this means that you as an individual (perhaps with the help of a therapist, doctor or supportive loved one) need to come up with an individualized self-care plan. If you are super busy and have no self-care built into your routine right now it would make sense to start really small and gradually work more time for self-care into your life.
My Self-Care Plan
Since I entered mental health treatment in my teens, I have been taught that taking care of myself is so important and that taking little moments to be mindful and checking in with myself can help me regulate my thoughts and emotions. I walk the dog everyday now which feels good, and I got to get a massage last week by using a gift certificate my husband got for me for Christmas, which was absolutely delightful.
My self-care plan has evolved as my life situation has evolved. When it was just my husband and I, we had a much more spontaneous lifestyle, and I could take the time to do my nails or dye my hair and enjoy a good movie with him almost every night. I was very busy then too with school and work, but I had more flexibility.
A while back I started incorporating some self-care into my bedtime routine. I used to suffer from insomnia quite a bit and still do from time to time. I looked into good sleep hygiene and made a few changes. I try to go to bed at a regular time every night and stick to a consistent routine. I take my medications, brush my teeth, wash my face, use the bathroom, put my PJs on. I also make sure I have a fan or other white noise going in my room. I use lip balm and lotion to sooth dry skin. Once in bed I try to make sure I have plenty of time to read as I get sleepy. This won’t work for everyone because experts recommend using the bed only for sleep and sex for the best night’s sleep. For me it keeps my wild mind busy as I get sleepy. I just have to make sure the book I read isn’t too exciting or I will be counterproductively up half the night!
Tweaking Your Self-Care Plan
I love reading and I love this routine. I have even recently added a few minutes of quiet bible study. My puppy has thrown a wrench in this wind-down time, however, because instead of lying in bed and relaxing, I need to jump out every 2 minutes to take something out of his mouth or clean up an accident as he gets the last of his energy out for the night.
I talked to my therapist about being stretched in a lot of different directions right now and how bedtime isn’t always “me time” anymore. She suggested that I go out at least 3 times a week after work to do something for me. I do use this time for checking things off my to-do list like mailing out orders for my Etsy shop or picking up a prescription, but I have also been trying to do things just for me. Things as simple as going to pray in the church, walking in the park and taking a couple of books out of the library, or spending a little time looking at the ocean. I have only been doing this for a couple of weeks so far, but it is helping.
Despite what my guilt may tell me, taking time for myself is not selfish, it is essential. I am naturally a nurturing person. I enjoy giving to others. I care for others in my paid work, and I care for my family. And yet, the cliche truth is that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of anyone else. If I am overstressed, I come home from work depleted and ready to run screaming to the hills. I am not ready to play with my son, chat with my husband, and clean the kitchen.
This blog is also self-care because while I do consider it work, I feel good when I write and publish a blog post. Not only am I working through some of my own thoughts and feelings, but I hope I am helping others. I had to pull myself away from my family to write this afternoon. Right on cue, as I am writing these very words, my son came to ask if I was almost done because he wants to play with me and because the internet isn’t working for him because I am on it too. But my husband said before I went up, go take time for you, you need it. He is right.
Don’t think there is a list of tasks out there that you need to follow to be doing self-care right. And don’t fall into the trap that you need a specific product or service to be taking good care of yourself. That is setting yourself up for failure. Listen to your mind and body. Think about your interests and obligations and mindfully make a plan. Don’t be afraid to tweak it.
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